Santa?s gifts for South Florida?s movers and shakers

This year Santa delivered special gifts to all the good boys and girls in South Florida, but it almost didn?t happen. At the height of production, Santa?s elves disappeared, muttering something about poor pay and a busted pension at a melting North Pole.

Desperate, Santa had to send his reindeer looking for the little guys, who were finally spotted mesmerized in front of ?video games of skill,? playing those maligned maquinitas from Little Havana to Hialeah.

Santa, no fool he, found no skill in these games that have taken over neighborhood bakeries, grocery stores and shopping centers in Miami-Dade, like the video ?cafes? that have popped up across Florida.

So pardon Santa if he?s a little grumpy this Christmas. Before doing the gift rounds, he decided his first stop must be at the office of Miami-Dade State Attorney Katherine Fernandez Rundle. There he left a plea: get the state to do something about those armless bandits; close the legal loopholes on these games that are skirting gambling taxes.

And for being a good Kathy this year, Santa promises to prod the stingy governor and the Legislature to better fund not just the state attorney?s office but the offices of Public Defender Carlos Martinez and Clerk of Courts Harvey Ruvin ? and all the state?s judges and court clerks, too. Let there be prompt justice!

Now that the elves are in therapy for their little gambling problem, Santa won?t be able to rest on Christmas. He?s already assigned Mrs. Claus to pack lots of dough (and not of the cookie kind), which he plans to use to lure casino lobbyists in Tallahassee to steer north.

Why not a resort at The Pole? Santa needs the workers and figures somebody will have to build something in between gambling sprees and busts.

What a season of discontent, Santa sighs. Would have been good if some of those 99 percenters would have occupied the toy factory and gotten to work, but it wasn?t to be. Santa understands. It?s been another tough year.

It demanded more pain. This year?s movers and shakers rolled up their sleeves to cut spending in city and county budgets. It wasn?t nice, but it had to be done. Santa feels the community?s pain, so he?s leaving a little good cheer and rising property values to get those local tax coffers healthy again and keep people working and paying their fair share.

For the Miami-Dade County Commission, Santa puts in a good word with voters as they prepare to weigh in on charter changes in January: Give those $6,000-a-year commissioners a raise, already.

And for voters, you get term-limited commissioners. Eight years and they?re out. What a deal, it?s a steal!

Santa didn?t leave anything for a smiling Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Gimenez, as he already got his present gift wrapped in a re-election fund-raiser attended by former Gov. Jeb Bush and others who had backed his opponent to the mayoral post. Ho!

Another Ho! to reinstated Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence Jones, who gets a second chance to serve her constituents.

Heading up to Broward, Santa finds a county in turmoil, with political scandals still haunting the kiddies. The latest financial skullduggery involving a teachers? union chief saddens Santa. Were it not for the climate-killing carbon footprint of coal, Santa would have dropped some.

That nasty fight between Miami cops and Florida Highway Patrol troopers in the fall deserved mountains of coal, too, for the off-duty officer who thinks that driving at 120 miles per hour when there?s no public emergency is acceptable.

For new Miami Police Chief Manuel Orosa, Santa leaves an endless supply of wisdom. Use it, chief, to punish unethical behavior and speak out quickly when cops act like they?re entitled to break the law.

As Santa heads to Tallahassee on Christmas Day to prepare for the big casino resorts lobbying spree, he drops off his gift to Gov. Rick Scott, who?s promising to be nice to the kiddies in the state?s public-school budget in the new year. From Santa, Little Ricky gets a list of all the jobs available in the anthropology field. Just to prepare him for other options in 2014.

Hey, Santa always has a backup plan.

Merry, merry.

Source: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/12/24/2559747/santas-gifts-for-south-floridas.html

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